30 de Junio 2008
God tends
for vacation bible school we wore tee shirts that said "...on earth as it is in heaven." we went to the transfer station and we went to the forest and we went to the museum and we played some games and nobody won and nobody lost and we only cried on the first day and we sang about hippos and each other and it was very good, just like the bible says.
and what did we start with: toe hoo wah boe hoo.
which is what i always start with and we ended with the saddest day because it had to end and we had to rest like we always do.
sometimes when things go really well i feel very small.
so we went to the beach. and slipped slurpees and then i went home and my dog was there and he was so happy to see me, just like you used to be. so happy.
when you see something really beautiful you should say something because why not? you should definitely say it. that is one thing i am learning this summer... say it out loud and maybe point if you have a free hand. kneel down and with confidence just say it carefully, slowly or maybe your eyes squinting in the brightness of it whisper it so it lands gently because she doesn't know you are thinking it. she doesn't even know you are capable of thinking it but she might need you to be brave enough...
i have this thing i think about love. i think about love.
and i can't stop doing it
here is one reason why i am not the wife i wanted to be:
everyday dinner time comes and all i really want to do is eat a carrot or something stupid like that.
so if you think of it, send snats that is all we can handle right now.
helpful | By crymytinyflood | 5:14 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
4 de Junio 2008
vespers
remember this? i wrote it for vespers and then cried all the way through it...
Dear Lord,
Thank you for the families.
For the nose wipers
The shoe tiers, diaper changers
Handholders and shoulders to sleep on.
Thank you for the
Booger faces and finger paintings
Thank you for the people who cry whenever they bleed and hug us around our middles
Thank you for the favorite colors and sometimes thank you for wedding vows
For times we have to argue
With the people we love most and the holy conflict that our families endure
Help us to pass on what we know of you and to hold on and love what we know of each other
In the name of the father, son and holy spirit.
but today the prayer would sound more like this:
sometimes i get so fucking angry.
did you ever account for that?
because i'm not willing to punch people in the face today, which is why i can at least type about it. but at any moment i may explode into a million insults.
they call me volatile.
perhaps it comes from my love for conjunctions... i love conjunctions and commas. with the proper grammar it is possible to get it all out there, just keep going, listing it all off: grievances, desire, hateful cliches strung tenuously together ( imagine sausages in the barbarian butcher windows).
just in case | By crymytinyflood | 9:32 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
8 de Mayo 2008
two of my favorite things.
martin elias jimenez
charlie rose jimenez
i think they like each other pretty well...
just in case | By crymytinyflood | 9:04 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)
24 de Abril 2008
for emilefoggyheart
use the arrows to go to the song called sunny road. it is very helpful. the first two songs are OK but the others are, well, consider it free spiritual direction from someone who is certifiable... i mean, a certified spiritual director.helpful | By crymytinyflood | 2:04 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
21 de Abril 2008
*
sometimes things just disappear and you can't do anything about it.
i wrote a little poem and thought you might like to see it.
but you probably won't.
here it goes:
the evergreen branch lets go the old leaf.
one by one the tiny knives fall like three
days and i hear you drop, in disbelief,
the fingers you wore so proudly--how we
read, hoping, beneath the shade of ennui.
one word in my hand (heartache) sharp and tight,
balanced on my desire for one more tree
in the forest of hope, one line of light
on arms that once pointed out to the night.
the tip of a finger floats across one
morning, like this. dry leaves tumble in spite
of the yearning, bleak breathing confession
all wound in the breeze that whistles beneath
a dagger, used once, returned to the sheath.
i think it has a few brilliant moments, but it is sort of a lot of words, too many for my taste, but those are the constraints.
one of my many grandmothers died.
i spent a sunday morning at the hospital then at her apartment then at breakfast where we ate together on the day after her husband died.
we stood around the altar of her hospital bed while her mouth slowly fell open. the rigor mortis swept up from somewhere under the bedclothes.
it was a good week: family around. looking through her things
breaking patterns of behavior that never did suit us well
flipping through photos of my mother's first marriage, to my father.
not i'm sort of lost, though. and alone. and i don't like it much.
but that is how it goes.
what would i say to her now?
the same thing i would say to you, love:
stop. go. stop. go. stay.
this way you break my heart.
my head is a little foggy; perhaps you can tell.
just in case | By crymytinyflood | 3:24 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)
27 de Marzo 2008
two things i always avoid
newspapers
cnn
so i didn't hear the speech; i read about it in the Stranger's Last Days column, which, you might be thinking qualifies as a newspaper but, trust me, it doesn't. Nobody knows news better than a photojournalist's wife and i'm here to tell you that the Last Days is NOT news--its much better!
so here is the Obama quote:
"The real problem is not that someone who doesn't look like you might take your job--its that the corporation you work for will ship it overseas for nothing more than a profit. I believe deeply that we cannot solve the challenges of our time unless we solve them together--unless we perfect our union by understanding that we may have different stories, but we hold common hopes; that we may not look the same and we may not have come from the same place, but we all want to move in the same direction--towards a better future for our children and our grandchildren."
and here is what Last Days said about that:
"In a testament to Obama's conviction and/or acting chops [and/or speech writers--hooray writers!], none of this made Last Days want to throw up. Obama '08!"
then something about a man building a robot and programming it to kill him and they're calling it suicide..
then there is a bit about a pigeon running around 3rd and Union with a thyringe thtuck through ith head like an arrow (keep that in mind for Halloween costume next year).
"This week continues with one of the more pathos-rich scenarios to unfold on a Seattle street since LD watched that saltine dissolve in a shallow puddle...[i remember that!] ...Once LD posted Melyssa's report on the Slog, not one but 2 Slog commenters revealed they too had seen the syringe pigeon. 'I saw that pigeon in about the same place a week or two ago, 'wrote Andrew. 'For what it's worth, it appears to be a chronic condition for this pigeon rather than a fatal one.' 'I, too, saw that same bird, or another one with the same affliction, a week or so ago at the ... bus stop,'wrote DJ Girth [haha]. '2 junkies were laughing at it. It sort of felt like they had something to do with it.' These reminiscences brought a bracing rant from Greendyke: 'Jesus fuck--this pigeon has been walking around like this for 3 weeks and at least 3 sloggers have seen it and NO ONE in Seattle has helped it? I am ashamed to be a human being.' Finally, key perspective was provided by Comte: 'You ever try to catch a pigeon? I personally wouldn't feel all that comfortable trying to wrap my hands around a squirming bird with th business end of somebody's works sticking out of it. And while it may seem callous and inhumane, I would point out that the poor bird is apparently surviving, so that says something for the resiliency of Columba livia.'"
then, on my birthday: "Nothing happened today, unless you count the AP revelation that the 2-year-old [sic] boy in La Joya Texas, who was found dead with a fatally fractured skull was most likely accidentally crushed by a morbidly obese relative. Good one, God."
and then i got this email from our minister of outreach (who is one of the few people who understands my ministry most of the time):
Monday, March 24, 2008 - 10:05 AM PDT
State shuts down another North Seattle motel
Puget Sound Business Journal (Seattle)
For the second time in less than a week, the Washington Department of Health has shut down a motel in the 12000 block of North Aurora Avenue in North Seattle.
This time, the state shut down the Seattle Motor Inn at 12245 N. Aurora Ave., with an inspector saying "members of the public who may choose to stay there are at risk of serious injury and/or illness because of the motel's unsanitary and unsafe condition."
Last week, the state shut down the Orion Motel
State officials said they're responding to complaints from the city of Seattle when inspecting and revoking the licenses of the North Seattle motels.
The Seattle Motor Inn, according to the state's inspection, revealed in one unit that "a five-gallon bucket filled with dark brown, fetid water from a leaking fixture was being stored under the vanity next to the bathroom."
In another unit, "sharp metal wire stuck out from the edge of the mattress ... and the walls were grimy and in poor condition with thick runny gobs of dried-on liquids found throughout."
In a third unit, "mold was found growing on the wall behind the toilet."
The pool at the motel "is one-third full of fetid, contaminated water" and the pool area "is littered with debris and discarded items." And the inspector noted that "nearly all of the smoke detectors tested at the property were not operable."
The owner of the Seattle Motor Inn, listed by the state as Dean and Jill Inman of Bothell, have 20 days to request a hearing and contest the charges. The motel's license was revoked on March 22.
sure, i like when government officials are as poetic as to use the phrase "runny gobs" in a report but i was there every Monday afternoon for a good many months and the fetid, gobby nast was real moreover, the children who played and lived and tried to do homework in those rooms were real. and they loved their moms and dads and that was real too. and i consider myself lucky not to have contracted a serious disease despite my very real dis-ease.
No wonder i felt so wild and weirded out last week.
i can't believe people worry about PMS when all this kind of roller coastering hopeful and otherwise shitty shit is really going on all around us; maybe we should all be moody and bitchy EVERYDAY.
did i mention i love you more than i love tomwaits, which is a lot?
help yourself | By crymytinyflood | 11:04 AM | TrackBack (0)
