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Abril 09, 2007
i just might be the reason my professors are bartenders:
"this is what it is really like" (or "this is why we make good drunks"):
i am, at this very moment, sitting in class listening, watching the group presentations from our mission projects.
i feel impatient because we are all very busy listening to each other. and congratulating each other and its all painful.
how can all these people working for good grades and heartfelt thanks be so uncomfortable for me?
what if i don't "like" the presentation? then i am the outcast.
what if i don't offer gratitude and clap loudly? then i am missing all the wonderful work done all around me.
how can my opinion be wrong? why is this happening?
i feel mean and rude and closed off
am i just immature? because i don't want to do this anymore?
it is sort like a room full of bad poems... and they are not bad to the people who wrote them but they just don't say anything to me.
and that is OK, you know, in the anne lamott sense of OKness. but it doesn't FEEL OK.
i feel like i'm taking crazy pills.
so i went to feed the meter and get a drink of water. i will survive.
went to see anne lamott and she looks as beautiful as ever.
someone stood up at the microphone amidst the huge crown of anne-fans and said i have a problem with death and crucifixion at easter, can you talk a little about that?
and she did.
she said that we need to understand our spiritual identities.
all i know is:
i don't think i should go to the tulip festival because i would just want to lie on the tulips and that would crush them.
especially a yellow tulip with one red petal.
so much depends on one red petal.
it is all quite frustrating.
and now a (wholenother) confession:
i was supposed to anoint people at the easter vigil by wiping oil liberally across and down their faces.
i didn't, i stood there with my whole head dripping oil, it was getting in my eyes and i couldn't see very well. i crossed their foreheads liberally rather than slathering them up and down with the sign of Christ.
i was supposed to tell them
"in remembrance of your babtism ... you bear the sign and seal for the kingdom of God."
but instead i said "you are signed and sealed..." so
that night i was lying in bed wondering why it had sounded a little off and i realized
the answer to that question just happened to be
stevie wonder.
and how he has permeated the vernacular
i made it sound like they were entering the kingdom of motown as if they will meet st. peter and tell him "here i am baby, signed sealed delivered."
Father forgive me, i don't know what the hell i'm doing.
help yourself | By crymytinyflood | 02:26 PM
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Comments
anything before but i want you to know that camp meeker is like the e. palo alto of so-co and i want you to stay out of there unless you grew up there and know your way around... and now i feel badly that i never warned you before. i mean, honestly, do you think any sherriff is going in there? there was one kid, his step dad was a psychiatrist who tried to murder his wife and then shot himself... but she didn't die, she managed to call 911... i think his name was danny.
maybe it isn't as bad as it was when i was growing up there but maybe it is worth... i mean worse (i only have a lisp on the internet). what i am trying to say is that meth is a lot cheaper than other hard stuff and ...man, just don't go there without me ever again. can you just stay away from anything on that side? i mean guerneville is fun but arg, when are you moving somewhere safe like LA?
don't do drugs and don't go into camp meeker without a proper escort, you could lose yourself and never come out.
Posted by: i never at Abril 12, 2007 08:57 AM
so, i got your message tonight-- i was hostessing as Underwood, and business was slow-- i checked my messages. Upon hearing, "I like you", I smiled my first genuine smile since four o'clock, and Carolyn said, "Why are you grinning?"
Also, I have been reading J. Irving's "A Prayer For Owen Meany" and thinking about you.
Additionally, spent a night in Camp Meeker two weeks ago. A hell of a thing.
That's not all, but all I can think of now.
love.
not getting in any real trouble.
emile
Posted by: emile at Abril 12, 2007 02:31 AM
i think we've built ourselves a culture of that- i do it in my classes. i have less patience for stuff (bad teaching, dumb questions, etc.) than everyone else, and i'm the oldest in all my classes by a significant amount. i like to tell myself that jesus somehow appreciates my ADDness, but really i don't think he cares either way.
OH AND did i tell you i went to see mary oliver? i kept wanting to ask her about anne lamott, to see if they've met, and if it mattered, and then i realized they only connect (and it would only matter) in my brain. it was amazing though, she was more sarcastic than the audience was prepared for, i think. which made it even better.
Posted by: liz at Abril 10, 2007 01:59 PM
You should be a f***ing comedian. oh yeah, lent is over. Can we swear again?
Posted by: Autumn at Abril 9, 2007 11:29 PM
