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14 de Enero 2008
apollo, geez.
like some mythic creature, angry, disheartened and volatile
like a stirred pot that bubbles, boils, toils-
trouble
that is how i am these days.
conversation on race and i speak about my hard won white skin, hardened, burning itching, aching, tingling like a sun burn, all the time.
skin is meant to protect us but it is so fragile, even the dull knives are dangerous (even if it is overcast you still get burned). i've hated my skin just like you have hated yours, but let's not compare heartache for once. damnit.
skin can't really protect us. nothing can.
i can't possibly take care of you, why would you think anyone can take care of anyone? are you that hopeful still? why don't you just be hopeful and i'll be, well, not as hopeful as you and that will just have to do for now.
usually honesty is a really lonely, dark place.
and though you come to me afterward and let me hug you and you thank me for being inarticulate with you
i just don't know what to do next.
all the things i thought would kill me are not killing me. the disagreements and yelling matches and embarrassing thoughts and holes in the floor that i thought i'd fall through, that i feared you would look through, are just sort of happening and i can't stop them and i'm still here.
the self i have is a brightly colored self with a large dangerous beak for cracking tough nuts and
it is rapidly wildly going up in flames. which is not bad but quite a spectacle in my humble opinion.
and the wings we always wanted, what of those? well, ouch.
somewhere there is a god who sees all this happening and laughs gently, i have just enough faith to believe: God laughs.
perhaps God is loyal, i don't know.
but lets not kid ourselves, i've become pretty damn ballsy lately and if i can make it through another turn of the planet, that will be good.
i always thought superman was kind of stupid, i mean just going out in the sun, is that all it takes? just go out in the light and everything will be fine? seems like its too easy and yet it wasn't always easy enough. that is stupid.
it isn't easy. it is never easy. you know what happens to people who go too close to the sun.
what a bitch.
seminary can be a real bitch some, er, most of the time.
help yourself | By crymytinyflood | 11:25 AM
