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Marzo 04, 2008
words cannot
explain what was so upsetting.
so he just sighed a death rattle sigh and i threw up my hands and took off my glasses
to try to let him off the hook and
i guess it was too late because the damage was done.
it would be nice if people who are having a bad day would just pass around duct tape before they begin the meeting so i could cover my mouth.
but they don't.
they never do.
you can't count on them to even think of bringing duct tape, much less pass it around.
my heart just goddamn hurts over it.
every hero has to fall sometime.
i feel like some big hope is trying to hatch.
these days feel like the last days of middle school--slow walks and sleepless nights. hunger pangs and nervous laughter.
don't get me wrong: i'm not expecting a grand commencement. i'm thinking more along the lines of some great short-lived show of gratitude or apology or someway to mark the time we spent together. or else maybe this is just the way life feels when, at last, i can feel again and nothing will come of it because this is just how things go up and down and up and down because there isn't a singular cause or result, just the up and down and the pain runs through me and then through you like electricity, it just comes and goes but we stay and do the work and cry and laugh and keep on.
so i think i'll just keep all this in my brain, store it away and not say anything right away. i'll just add it into the mix of things i know him to be capable of, and hold the whole situation real gently and keep thinking of what might be hatching and what kinds of things hatch from hurts.
i can't really say much else about it, not much else at all.
in other sort of related news:
sometimes people put all kinds of shit in their front yard and it looks real good, you know? like nasty old shoes and plants grow up out of them, and old bed frames and bits of broken glass and pottery, like something Job would scratch an itch with. and it all looks real welcoming; like they want you to know that even plants know that shittiness is OK in a way, so come on in and stay a while. like maybe shit grows there like plants grow there. oh, i don't know!
just in case | By crymytinyflood | 03:18 PM
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