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11 de Octubre 2008
on the hug
i never know who to hug or what to do with my arms or hands. i don't know when to stop or what to do after.
if i went with my preferences i would shake a lot of hands and give a lot of high fives and be done with it.
but i never go with my preferences. and i never know why. so for the past 28 years i have racked up quite a few problems with all the seemingly required hugs i have had to give or take.
and then this happened:
Ames and i were out for our tuesdaynight pre-studyhour pints and i think i had one too many because on the walk back to the car i saw a pack of parlaiments on a streetside table, the kind of parlaiments matteye turned me onto before he cleaned up his act and went premed
and i really wanted one of those nic sticks.
i didn't really register whether the owner of the pack was creepy or not but we were in belltown so as soon as i stopped long enough to address the guy Ames was sure something was going to get messy.
i asked for what i wanted and he answered, 'i'll trade you one for a hug'
images of all the greasy men i've ever known or seen or who have ever tried to give me the eye flashed through my mind. and then i thought of the way i must look in my hippie jacket and pilling sweater and couldn't figure out why anyone would want to hug me. i hesitated but Ames was two steps ahead of me. and the next thing i know Ames is hugging this guy like he is her lost frat brother.
just so you can imagine this scene a little better, the seattle governance requires that restaurants fence off the outside eating area so Ames was leaning in over the waist high fence, hugging away and she looked so happy and glowey and she even said something like, 'hugging is fun!' which sounded crazy but i really wanted the cig so i leaned over and wrapped my arms around sigma chi alpha or whoever he was and then proceeded to chat him up as he tapped out the cancer stick in question.
he lit it, not in his own mouth thank gawd, and i may have exhaled right in his face for all i know, (but probably not) and then we said our goodbyes like gentile acquaintances are wont to do.
as the nicotine kicked in i felt snug enough to ask Ames, who really does honestly love hugging, which is why i love her, 'why do people like hugging?'
she saw right through it.
'who wouldn't want to hug you? you're so cute and sweet.'
the next few hugging incidents are not as creepy but they contribute to my growth and development as well as any potentially traumatic cure for the soul.
for one:
recently i tried to sneak out the back of the cafe after open mic, and my new friend, nathan (the south carolinean carrot muncher), sweating like the tardy cyclist he often is, made a face or a gesture and it seemed like i was suppposed to hug him and i did and it wasn't awkward... and then justin was there and i figured it wouldn't hurt to hug him either, and it didn't.
and then i had a little bit of a vacation from this new not-problem until i realized that people at church really like hugging too so last week at the passing of the peace i started going in for hugs even when they extended their arms to shake hands... and that didn't kill me the way i thought it would. in fact, they seemed to really like it, it seemed really human and kind of fun like how Ames describes it.
so i told nathan
and now he is in on the experiment. i told him that there were people in my youth who criticized the way i just stood there, i think they were trying to tell me that it was hard to eff up hugging but i had managed to do so. and he seemed to understand why i don't really know what to do about all the hugging that comes with the life of a seminarian.
i figured that if i told him about all this he would let it lie, i think i hoped he would get nervous about whether or not i wanted a hug and then he would just give up. and it wouldn't be wierd if he did because there is, in my limited brokendown experience, a sort of statute of limitations on hugging and i thought, until now that everyone sort of knows not only how long to hug once its happening but also how long into the relationship the greeting or parting hugs are abated. and so he had an out, or maybe lots of outs.
but he didn't let it lie.
he didn't let me sneak out of Makeda this morning, he didn't follow the rules so i could slink away thinking thoughts like 'why in the hell do we have to do the whole, 'i'm so glad to see you hug' the first few times we meet if we're just going to quit as soon as i get the hang of it next month?', damnit.
so now there are three of them (people i really like to hug)
jenfox: the one who will just stand there and let me hug her. i tell her 'do the thing' and she brings her arms to her sides and lets me put my face on her shoulder and wrap her up and that has never bothered me, in fact i really really like it.
and Ames: who seems to know that i am in charge of the hugging and can't help myself when she is in the building, i just have to go hug her. and that is like crack cocaine, it is so good.
and nathan, who i could deny, if i really wanted to. but i am becoming more convinced that each time i hug him, at his gentle prodding, of course, it unties some knot in my heart, or head (he says feelings come from our brains, not our hearts) and then i want to hug other people because it is finally making sense why people do this sort of thing.
and you're probably wondering about where martin falls in all this: i don't hug him because i am in lurv with him--get it? good. because that is the best i can do to explain all that today.
help yourself | By crymytinyflood | 2:25 PM
