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23 de Abril 2009
today is the day
i admit public school teachers can be so self-righteous
and today i am glad i am not among them because sometimes
they hurt my feelings so much when they complain and judge everyone
from the government to the parents of their students.
i just don't remember complaining so much when i taught in public schools, i remember avoiding the teachers' lounge because people were complaining so much. and i remember being angry about things but i didn't try to boss other teachers around, especially via email, dear God!
sometimes email is so ambiguous.
i just end up working so hard to decode it in a way that isn't violent against myself.
i think i just need someone to send email that says right away in the subject line: "if the world stops spinning it won't be your fault; i know that and hope you do too,"
and then they could go on with the rest of the email about how i was forgetful or unclear or my other email address isn't working exactly how and when they thought it should, or they themselves were forgetful and could i please pick up the slack for them because if i don't all will be lost.
but evenso, if they could just include a really gracious subject line, it would be there reminding both of us that we are neither of us so important that our mistakes reverberate throughout the universe destroying all that is holy.
and sure, people don't ever intend to send a message like that in an email; no one is actually trying to tell me that exactly--i don't get such blunt email--i'm not in high school anymore.
but sometimes the kind i do get is about someone's dire concern for how i am about to ruin lives, that i haven't yet, but that i could
because even if they aren't trying to tell me i am Gozer the destructor (of Ghostbusters fame), they are not trying not to tell me that.
so here is the life lesson i am learning and it sucks to have to learn it but that is just what it is--no more and no less:
the onus is always on me to remember that any and all accusations do not account for all the good i am capable of and all the righteous risk i am willing to take,
and all the ways that even the best work can hurt or cost us and that
pain is pain and also prevalent
and though i may participate it is less and less likely,
as i become an increasingly compassionate person, that i am the cause of that pain or that i can't work with that pain when i do cause it (because i undoubtedly will),
to deepen relationship through reconciliation.
and it might come across like i am well adjusted, with lots of good ideas but i just have to tell you, today, a thursday of very little consequence,
i just don't know what to do about all that but i'm telling you because i think you will understand and that makes me feel a lot better. because even if i'm not actually a better person, i am at least not feeling awful about the person i am and i think that is
really important.
just in case | By crymytinyflood | 8:54 AM
Comments
there is no dana, only zool.
Posted by: ialmostfeel at 29 de Abril 2009 a las 12:45 AM
