so the bees are dying. but one huge one just came in the apartment (did you know I don't believe in shutting the screen door? well, I don't.)
and even though martin doesn't believe in karma, he keeps talking about it... like when something really fair happens it is as though he has just sighted a rare species of rat.
all i'm saying is that i have been stung so many times by bees that i think next time i may have a highly allergic reaction or just swat it away like a mosquito. no one can say.
so it is slightly nice to hear that they are not doing well... but of course here i am mired in ambivalence.
violent ambivalence:
i want the bees should all go to hell, damn them.
but also, that their furry little asses would hold still and just be OK for once.
i don't know. i don't know. is there karma for bees?
they probably have their own saint, it is probably francis, so you know it is a good one.
what do you have to do to get a saint, is there a weight requirement?
what is worse, I have finally figured out that there is one person on the earth that i hate more than all the others.
there, i said it.
pastor hoffman asked me how my swear jar is coming along.
he is a man full of great questions. i really admire him.
sometimes i think i should have a mean thoughts jar... and i ought to put in a coin every time i have a really mean thought and then i could anonymously send the money to the person i hate and i could tell myself, "If they only knew what all that money really means..!" because it would be nice to quantify my hatred and then package up the data and enclose a note that says: this is exactly what i owe you, this is exactly how much you are worth, this is exactly how heavy you ought to be, this is exactly, but exactly how very much i hate you, no more, no less. maybe we would all be very much relieved to have it finally documented and out there in an understandable tangible communicable form.
and do you think it would be enough to pay off the house? nah, because i don't even have that much to begin with so it really puts all that hate into perspective... i mean, i don't think i have enough to really buy the farm or anything like that, but man oh, man i sure do have enough to make it worth while.
as for you and your house: i love you,
whoever you are who reads this and sometimes pretends not to because i know i can tell you whatever i want and you won't write back about bad grammar.
if i get a small box of pennies in the mail because you think i am abusing the internet and my privileges as an english speaker and you hate me for it, i'll just suppose it isn't that bad, because it could have been enough to buy a house but in the end it was just a box of pennies.
