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30 de Julio 2008
rock and roll...
rock and roll.
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29 de Julio 2008
curiouser, as a concept, as a rule.
i've become more and more curious about what other people write about in seminary.
there is a sort of unspoken rule about papers at mars hill: if you didn't cry over it, don't bother turning it in.
which i guess means that i'm not the only one crying out in frustration, or innocently writing along until the end when it all came crashing down around me in the conclusion because i realized
i thought i was writing about divorces or an underdeveloped pneumatology but i was really writing about the really sad parts of my life and the broken parts of my faith.
goddamnit
so i spend all my seminary office hours at chocolati racking up the free drinks on my punch card and discussing my seminary induced bowel issues with my favorite barista... she called me crabigail and gave me some 'super cleanse' tablets today (she just had a spare bottle under the counter--which is reason #564 'why i lurv molly').
here is the text for today's assignment:
"A concept is a set of inseparable variations that is produced or constructed on a plane of immanence [not just a two dimensional plane as i had thought--which makes the rhizone theory work better for me] insofar as the latter crosscuts the chaotic variability and gives it consistency (reality). A concept is therefore a chaoid state par excellence; it refers back to a chaos rendered consistent... And what would thinking be if it did not constantly confront chaos?" deleuze p 208
write hard, die free
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26 de Julio 2008
via negativa
in order to distract myself from the apophatic and the problem of gelassenheit i googled myself (my name). Derrida says there is much in naming, or giving a name (to him they are two different things).
it turns out i am lost.
there are people out there looking for me. or the old, hyphenated version of me, which i'd rather not discuss anyway... and that is actually pretty fitting.
i think, given the option, i'll stay lost for a while.
why not?
maybe they know more about me by knowing less.
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24 de Julio 2008
smarties
my favorite candy.
did you know they come in a giant size, like necco wafers size? now you know, and knowing is half the battle.
go joe.
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22 de Julio 2008
how to: (keep) saying goodbye
[i've said goodbye to so many people, i guess that is why you called. and you remembered that i might know how to be a good friend or at least what i want from one. so i wrote this little poem because it usually helps and i put it here, just in case it helps you to feel (better?) too. I mean, i really did cry when you mentioned the ranch dressing memories, and then i thought, very quickly, how can i be crying over ranch dressing?]
when it happened they said,
she won't be writing any more letters.
she won't be calling or leaving messages or riding in your car or making plans.
but you will.
i keep going over the why in my mind
(kneading it, like a sore part in my heart, hoping it will relax and stop hurting me.)
even if you don't and one day i wake up and see that
you kept going even if i tried to make you stop.
how do we separate out all the friends and lovers and family members?
how do we organize them
so each gets the same number of sad memories or wild prospects?
over the phone
i told you how these things make me wish i had never moved away from you, never broke your heart,
i wish we could do this together
and wade again in the same creek(bed), as if the water had never moved on.
is that what she would say, is that what you want
to hear or tell even the saddest of her friends?:
i wish your heart didn't have to be broken
and what did you say to me?
you can have it all.
just ask me.
just tell me what you want (you never said need) and i will give it to you.
i've never done this before,
you said,
knowing
that it is the only way
i know to make friends,
and you asked me for help.
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12 de Julio 2008
cheesy tomato
i woke up this morning feeling all crumply and weird.
and when i opened the fridge to think about milk what i really wanted was a beer. it was 8:30am.
so i didn't have beer.
i think mostly i wanted comfort food.
cheese, probably. or just to lick the salt off the salt shaker.
so here is a recipe my dad used to make me when i was little (he is probably making it right now but he only cooks on the barbecue so you could try that, i however, only cook in the toaster oven so that is what i'm recommending):
first you go to the farmers market and buy a tomato that looks like it is about to go bad; they usually have a bin in the truck or wherever with these half price tomatoes that are just splitting at the seams and they tell you you should choose for yourself because they don't want to be held responsible if you get a moldy one.
but though they are right on the edge they are just right.
it is sort of like a cure for the common crumply feeling.
let me know if you like it but don't say anything if you don't because that would be sort of a nasty surprise.
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11 de Julio 2008
mm. cake.
when i graduated with my certificate in spiritual direction we went back to martin's parents house to celebrate my accomplishment and his mother's honorary doctorate. the good doctor of laws, or maybe it was her retired husband, went out, bought a cake and a two tubes of icing so i could write on the cake myself.
Posted by crymytinyflood at 7:57 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
irrelevant
the class with Carl A. Raschke is over; i survived the chaosmos. Apparently he is a genius; look him up if you want but here the gist:
"everything is relevant you just have to be creative."
so i'd better get back to work, which, today, means hanging out at the beach with the 6th graders who volunteered for vbs.
i know this seems like a very mid-nineties way to do my ministry--"Are they still just going to the beach? haven't they thought of something new yet? can you even do that in seattle?"
no. yes.
ever since Jesus cooked the disciples breakfast on the shore we've been hanging out at the beach hoping the savior will show up, in spirit at least.
so we're heading back over there today to see what or who or how we've become since that first Jesusy cookout.
everything is relevant.
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9 de Julio 2008
woah
i almost just published a really mean entry. that was close. here are the nicer parts:
i just thought i should clear something up: i can't stand facebook and i refuse to join. the only reason i keep this blog up is because there is still a great deal of stuff out there, written about me, on the internet, whether you know it or not, whether you will read it or not. And as long as it is out there i have to have a voice of my own and this is it.
at least i think that is why i do this.
i made a new friend this week, not by meeting him on facebook. his name is nathan. he offered me the nasty brown part of his carrot today in such a funny "from the carolinas" way i laughed and am still laughing about it. i may never forget that moment; it was real good. so when you read this, nathan, these are your propas: i think you are a good person, which is quite a feat because there are lots of people i don't like. and i will tell all the pretty girls about you. its not facebook but it will have to do. and i can't believe you were in the stranger want ads, i mean, i believe it because you probably offer nasty carrots to all kinds of potential friends all across the country but the stranger ads--that is like being famous! i've never been that close to being in the stranger so of course i admire you.
that concludes the message to nathan.
the moral of the story is this: internet is a good place to make yourself or someone else into a ghost that just haunts and howls and cries over the sad parts.
Posted by crymytinyflood at 10:28 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack